If you spend any amount of time online, shopping or browsing for something to watch on whatever streaming service … you’re going to find a lot of things recommended to you. That’s the way the world works now, I guess.
Now, part of me sees these things for what they really are – ads for products that maybe you’re interested in, maybe you aren’t. Do we really need so many ads, everywhere we look, inescapable attempts at trying to get you to buy (or watch) something. Honestly, it wouldn’t be so bad if there weren’t multiple “recommendations” on each and every page you visit – but … of course there are.
The first time I really paid attention to this was back in the days when Netflix was mailing DVDs to people. Even though I would always try to maintain at least 15-20 titles I was wanting them to send me, I was often getting weird titles sent to me. I would get an e-mail saying that everything on my list was currently rented out, so in the meantime here’s a movie they think I might like.
The e-mail came with a link to a page that explained the company had a “complicated algorithm that would compare my movie interests with the movie interests of all the other Netflix subscribers. The theory was that if a lot of people who liked a lot of the same movies I liked and also liked this other movie – chances are I would too. A few times it worked. Other times, I had already seen the movie and didn’t want to watch it again … or, more likely, I would not be a fan of it.
Today, we don’t need to tell anyone about a complicated algorithm, not that they would likely know what those things are in the first place. No – Today we just say “it’s AI” and everyone nods their head in agreement. Of course, it’s AI.
Most of the time, I ignore recommendations. When I start up a streaming channel, I usually have a good idea of what I want to watch, so I find it and press play. Or, if I am online buying things, I know what I intend to purchase, I search for it and that’s that. Or maybe I’ll browse through the sales or see what new products are available.
I don’t need something to tell me – “hey, look at this, we think you’re going to love this”.
I Tried It Once (ok, twice … ok, ok)
At one point, I started to think that maybe there was something to these recommendations after all. So, I’d glance at the recommended ad on some streaming channel and think – hey, that sounds like it might be good. So, I’d start watching and … nope. Didn’t like it one bit. Try again … same result.
To be fair – a few times, the recommendations worked. But more times than not … I walked away wondering how many people enjoyed that movie enough to force it into other people’s recommended lists.
A case in point – when I got two separate recommendations for a single movie, I decided to give it a try. The movie was … Jack and Jill with Adam Sandler. Sorry to have to tell you this – but the movie sucked. Later on, I learned that it’s one of those movies that keeps appearing on lists of “The Worst Movies Ever” and I can totally see why. What I can’t see is why two streaming channels thought I would enjoy it.
Product Recommendations
Recommending a television show or movie is one thing … product recommendations appear to be a completely new ballgame.
I recently bought a printer online. My old one broke, I needed a new one. I researched the brands and models to find the right one for me, added it to my cart, paid, then waited for delivery.
“We see you just brought a printer. Might we suggest some similar products. Here are a few printers we think you might want to look at.” I’m sorry … how many printers do you guys think I need? Not to mention that every single recommendation was from a company (brand) that I did not want to buy from. Either I’ve had one of their products in the past and had too many problems with it – or I didn’t like the direction the company was heading, such as HP no longer allowing users to purchase third product ink.
Now, had the recommendations been for things like paper, ink, or other printer supplies, that would be one thing. Instead – it felt like the company was telling me I made a bad decision when I purchased what I did and they think I should have gotten one of these other products instead.
A similar thing happened years ago when I bought a smart watch (Samsung) off Amazon. I got a lot of recommendations for Apple Watch bands that are incompatible with mine. I got Garmin chargers that, likewise, wouldn’t charge what was on my wrist. Yes, I got plenty of recommendations for other smart watches and fitness trackers – even one for the very product I had alrady purchased. (Only difference – it was in another color. We see you bought the Galaxy Watch in Silver. Can we tempt you to with the same one in black?)
I swear that a lot of products have to be completely random. On a whim, I just checked my Amazon recommendation list. Here are the top products they think I would want: SheGlam Lipstick, Amazon Grocery Cream Style Corn, purple women’s gogo boots, a child’s Superman halloween costume, and … a 50 count of Tampax Pearl Tampons Regular Absorbency with Leakguard Brai – Unscented.
I am currently a 50-something year old male – what need do I have for children’s products, Lipstick and Gogo boots? And … really?… tampons? I’ve never in my life found a need for tampons. But, that’s not what drew my attention to that listing. They’re “unscented”! Does that mean that some of them are … fragrant? Is there a reason that they now put scents on little things that ladies stick up their You-Knows? Do ladies pull them out and shove them in front of their noses now? Wow, Donna – this smells like strawberries. What does yours smell like? (Please don’t say fish, please don’t…)
Now my curiosity is peaked and I have to know – what do the smelly ones smell like? A few internet searches later, I found one. It said … and I am not kidding … “regular scent”. What the heck is “regular”? A few items later I found another one. Cotton Scented? Aren’t those things made from cotton? So now I am starting to think that they’re all cotton scented, or do they put something in the “unscented” ones to get rid of the cotton smell of the … um … cotton?
Quickly, I had to find another site. The first one was, oddly, not telling me much.
I found one brand that came in Honey Scented. A third site had a “floral scented” one. Then I accidentally clicked on a Temu link and saw one whose aroma claimed to be “Vampire Teabag” and now I have one more reason not to ever shop on Temu.
After spending way too much time investigating the aromatic fragrances of tampons (so, about two and a half minutes) I noticed something that would hopefully get my brain to focus on something else. Every single one of the pages I was looking at (which included websites for Target, Walmart, Amazon, among others) all stressed in a bold large font (why did Target’s headline need to be red?) that scented tampons are “perfectly safe” – they just said it in a way that made me think that maybe they aren’t.
According to Doctor Google, scented tampons and pads are best to be avoided as they can cause irritation. They also contain oils and chemicals that can lead to bacterial infections, or worse (and I stopped reading because I didn’t want to imagine what “or worse” could refer to. Some things are best left unknown.
Naturally, my mind drifted back to the safest question I had been pondering about this topic – Why would any woman want to shove a scented thingamajig into their lady parts? The only thing that comes to mind is that scene from Superhero Movie where Marion Ross (Yes, the Mom from Happy Days) repetedly farts while napping on the couch while Dragonfly-boy and his girlfriend are trying to have a little chat. After the girlfriend’s eyes start to burn from the smell, she takes two tampons and applies one to each nostril.
As a man in his fifties, I can honestly say that I have never had to deal with this kind of normal bodily function, but I’m pretty certain that’s not listed among the proper uses of a tampon. Which brings us back to the unanswered question. Why do some of them contain smells?
I am half tempted to think this can only be a man thing. As in … these products only exist so men can be confused into buying them. “I saw tampons on your shopping list and had no idea which ones to buy – I hope “honeysuckle and rose” scented is okay?
Upon further reflection, I have come to the conclusion that men had no part in this whatsoever. If that were the case, they would come in a variety of scents including things like “fried chicken” … “leather” … and most certainly “new car smell”.
“Honey, are you suddenly wearing a new perfume. I smell … what is that … sandalwood?” … “Sorry, honey. No. I just queefed.”
I Need A New Hobby
Okay. What were we talking about before my train of thought got derailed? Oh, yes – product recommendations.
For what should now be fairly obvious reasons, I have started to question why certain products (movies or television shows) are being promoted to me as my recommendations. Clearly, sometimes there is no obvious explanation. Other times, there is almost some logic there, even if you have to squint your eyes tight just to barely see it.
Recently, I watched the movie The Exorcist. Okay, fine – I watched the original theatrical version then I watched The Extended Director’s Cut because I wanted to compare the two. (Don’t judge me, I was having fun.)
The following day, I turned on the television and was greeted with, “Because you enjoyed The Exorcist, we think you might enjoy The Devil Wears Prada.”
My first reaction was, Yes – of course – both are great movies. Then I started to wonder what many people consider to be one of the scariest movies of all time has to do with that comedy movie where the gay version of Stanley Tucci gives Anne Hathaway a fashion makeover?
Sure, they’re both great movies and depending on a few factors, I would recommend both of them. It would be hard to recommend what some consider to be among the scariest movies ever made to someone’s grandma learning how to use her Roku. Likewise, the movie where the gay version of Stanley Tucci gives Anne Hathaway a fashion makeover might not be the best choice for your adults-only Halloween Bash.
Most of the times, it’s not hard to figure out why movies get recommended to me – and it always seems to fall short.
One movie recommended to me made it sound like it was an epic romantic romcom featuring Julia Roberts and Matt Damon. Well, that sounds interesting, but … there were … problems. Matt was barely in the movie, appearing in just a few scenes as Julia’s love interest … And Julia was barely one of the main characters. The film wasn’t awful – but, as the name implies, it was rather cheesy. Too cheesy for me.
I am almost convinced that our AI Overlords believe that we mainly pick what movies we want to watch because of who is in them. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to consider how much of the movie the actor was in, how old they were at the time… I had Back to the Future 2 recommended to me after watching Lord of the Rings – the reason, Elija Wood was in it. He’s only on screen for less than a minute, but … at least he’s there… His character didn’t even have a name. He’s simply listed as “Video Game Boy”.
Most often, when I am looking for something to watch, I have a genre in mind or am in the mood for something broadly specific. Give me a thrilling mystery. Or, a spectacular science fiction piece. Instead, what I get for recommendations is … You watched Star Trek The Next Generation – we think you might like The Emoji Movie. Why? Becuase the guy who plays Jean-Luc Picard is in this. He plays poop. Sorry, he plays the poop emoji.
Sigh…
How Often It Works
The big question I have (other than the one about feminine hygiene products) is how often product recommendations work. I do understand they’re targeted advertisements, someone paid for that ad to appear there, and not the product of some helpful AI being that somehow lives inside a computer chip or something.
It has to work some of the time, right? Otherwise, none of these companies would be paying big bucks to advertise in this way. So, how often does this work?
When I go shopping online, it’s usually because I need something. I am sick and tired of my butt hurting when I sit at the dining room table, so I decide I am going to buy seat cushions. I go online and start searching. “Would you be interested in a five pack of men’s; underwear?” Well, no. I just purchased that last week so for now I’m good. On to the next page. “Would you be interested in matching salt and pepper shakers? They’re really cute – they look like outer space aliens.” No thanks, I just want my butt to quit hurting.
Is this something that happens in offline businesses now? Do you go and buy a car only to the dealership call you the following week. I see you bought a Prius. The Honda CR-V Hybrid comes highly rated and has awesome safety features…” No. That does not happen.
You do, however, get a lot of calls from third parties wanting to talk to you about your car’s extended warranty… so, maybe it does. At least I haven’t gotten a call saying that Tom Cruise has been seen being driven around in a Toyota Rav4, so we think you might want to buy one of those for yourself.
One thing about these recommendations I keep hearing is when people say they were talking in the vicinity of a smart device, like their Amazon Echo, then suddenly an ad for that very thing appears as a recommendation.
For this conspiracy to be true, these machines need to hear everything we say, they need to be able to process every conversation and ultimately make decisions … not just for us, but for the billions of people who have similar devices and that’s a bit much. Processing power isn’t exactly cheap – and no company is going to waste the time or energy or money to do that.
The more likely thing is that it’s part of a pattern, (he always buys toilet paper a week before major holidays) … or, maybe he (or someone in his household) did a web or product search for toilet paper … or maybe it’s just a coincidence that Ye Ole Toilet Paper Company is promoting toilet paper at the same time you happen to mention toilet paper to someone else.
There is no grand conspiracy involving people (or AI Agents) listening through your phone (or smart device) and trying to force you to wipe your butt with a particular product, yet that is what many people think. A company spending thousands of dollars so you buy a ten dollar package of butt wipers? Really?
My Final Take
Looking at the current set of products Amazon, Walmart, Target, and other companies are trying to “recommend” needs a lot of work (or it needs to go away). On rare occasions, I’ve looked at a recommendation and considered buying something. Most of the times, I take a quick glance and then move on.
On rare occasions, a recommendation will be so far off, it almost makes me chuckle. “We see you’ve recently been looking at windshield wipers for your Prius, so then can we tempt you with sunshades for a Ford Focus or how about seat covers that will fit a Chevy Equinox perfectly? We also have sales on a bunch of headlight bulb replacements, you’ll see quite a few cars listed, none are compatible with your Prius, but what the heck – you interested anyway?”
No system is ever perfect, and I doubt this one ever will be. At least, for me, at times it has proven to be very … um … entertaining.
